Relapse is inevitable.
Changing is one of those simple but challenging things. How does one change? Easy, do the thing you want to change. Want to start something new, go do the new thing. Want to kick a bad habit, stop doing it.
It’s straightforward but difficult.
This is why consulting can be a challenging field. The correct answer is simple but hard. It makes one say: no shit, Sherlock, and shrug while writing a check.
What I recently learned about simple but hard things is that relapse is inevitable.
If something is objectively desirable and worthwhile, it will be hard. Otherwise, you wouldn’t desire it.
Money, fame, recognition, a skill. Anything in these buckets is somewhat difficult to achieve. It’s not the prize but the transformation we undergo in pursuit of it that matters.
The endorphins released in our brain while chasing our prize are what our body, mind, and soul crave.
It’s the journey that we actually enjoy. Without this, we wouldn’t have planes, trains, and automobiles. We would have be satiated and satisfied at mud huts, but we aren’t. The prizes get larger and larger, more complex and challenging. The journey itself get’s the upgrade.
This is why relapse is unavoidable, regardless of actions.
Whether you’re trying to go to the gym more, you’ll miss a day. Whether you’re trying to save money and spend less, you’ll impulsively buy something. If you want to establish a good habit, you’ll break the chain and ruin the streak. If you want to quit a bad habit like smoking, drinking, or porn, you’ll relapse at least once.
Relapse is inevitable. If not, you’re likely not trying hard enough things.
There’s nothing you can do about the relapse. It’s going to happen. The only decision is how to manage it.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t dwell on it. Address it and keep doing that simple but hard thing.
Congrats! You’re in the hard section of your simple plan.
I used to think that the challenging part about simple but difficult things was consistency in doing the action.
I was wrong.
Why?
I’m an idiot.
The hard part is what to do when you relapse. It’s easy to stop and tell yourself: look at you, you can’t do it after all.
The hard part of any relapse is to ignore that voice and get back on track. It’s to get up, dust yourself off, and try again.
The hard part is letting the relapse pass and starting again, doing the straightforward thing.
It’s difficult to do.
But it’s not impossible.
That’s the silver lining.